8 years later

it has been over 8 years since a post. There are so many lessons, so many triumphs, so many failures...there will be more to come...maybe.

My Forensic Psychology dedication...

Wow, I havent blogged for about 2.5 years. A lot has changed. Especially my involvement with a new MA in Forensic Psychology. It is interesting, that the very thing I am studying led to the demise of my Great Grandfather Gilbert, who was in essence a great man. A man that I aspire to be like. High ranking to one of the biggest Law enforcement agencies on the planet. He fell prone to the lie that drinking offers a relevant escape, when it doesn't. I am sitting here wondering, when I should be writing...if my grandfather is my subconscious inspiration for this interest? I never knew him, I never met him, and I know little about him. But he was a white, male cop. Hard working, and drank too much sometimes. Thats about all i know. I wonder if he drank to get away from the horror of society that he fought to protect the innocent against? I wonder if he used it as an escape from the fear that he couldn't control every situation? I wonder. Realizing this makes me really happy I am where I am. He sounds a lot like me, I think if I were to meet him, I would instantly like him. I hope I meet him someday. I hope to use his legacy as a new found inspiration in my study of law enforcement psychology.

This ones for you (Great) Grandpa.

Scuba Diving: An Analogy

I realized something while Scuba diving in Catalina, we take things for granted more on land than underwater. On land, we worry and stress about anything and everything and take for granted the little things in life. Like breathing for instance...Underwater you are conscious of every inhale and every exhale. You try to look all around and take every inch of your surroundings in. Your only concern is for where your next breath comes from and the safety of your partners. Your partners concerns are your concerns, and vice versa. You always carry an extra hose, just in case they need to breathe your air in an emergency situation. I just wish that we(I) cared so much for things such as this when i was living the day to day on land. Take a step back and truly cherish that you have breath to breathe and partners who care for you and would breathe for you if you couldn't do it yourself. Just a thought.

Nickname

So my supervisor gives all of us nicknames. It took awhile to get mine. I finally got one this week. "Templar." It refers to the knights templar. I guess they were crazy fighting group during the crusades. Cant say that the crusades were 100% justified but this quote makes it all the more perfect, especially for my career.

"A Templar Knight truly a fearless knight, and secure on every side, for his soul is protected by the armour of faith, just as his body is protected by the armour of steel. He is thus doubly-armed, and need fear neither demons nor men."

Bernard de Clairvaux

Bland

I feel bland. My life has no flavor because i do not put the right ingredients into it. Life is what you make it, especially when it comes to spirituality. If you put bad ingredients in it tastes bad, but when you put good ingredients in it tastes good (you reap what you sow, sounding familiar?) An example is today, i made a pretty good dinner if i do say so myself, i took the time to marinate ribs, oven cook them, and grill them. I also made Fried pickles (delicious) and corn. I took my time, i planned it out, and it was well worth it. The problem is that I have been lacking that motivation spiritually for a long while. I have always been very involved in my church, and "know" the Christian answer. I expect it. I can rattle off my core beliefs, and make it sound good, but it has no flavor. its like the best lettuce in the world...no matter how good it is its just lettuce, it has no substance on its own. The problem lies with gumption shrewd or spirited resourcefulness). I need it. I know the potential is there, just need to "light the fire again" (Thank you All Together Separate.) Well i guess these are and have been my thoughts for a while.

God did speak to me for the first time in a while, through meditating on the story of Sampson and Delilah. Maybe i will post a blog on those thoughts soon.

SHOULD I...

...delete this blog?

I guess that I used to be a lot more introspective. I mean I still get inspired to write, but then I get lazy. Then when i do write, I expect everyone to comment on what they think, positive or negative. But then I just realized that I am not the only one who is busy. Everyone can't just go out of their way to check and comment, especially when i update like once every two months. I guess while I cant sleep I will provide an update...

I started my new job, and I like it a lot. I didn't know if I would at first but I do. Its a little intimidating, but I will have to get used to it. Karrina and I are moving out of our apt. and moving in with the in laws. Well...im not stoked on it, but we need a place to stay while we look for a house.

With that topic i will run with that idea. I guess I have learned (especially last night) that I am putting my hope in my job and looking for a house rather than putting my hope in Christ. I don't mean hope that He will provide those things, but rather the hope that he us my King, and that my life it to be focused on Him, and everything else in my blurry peripheral. Its opposite and has been opposite for a while.

As I write I realize that this is cathartic, and I should do it more often. Not for anyone else but simply to just let things out.

Back on topic...Karrina and I just celebrated our first anniversary together. It was pretty weird. Time flies. We went to PF CHANGS and got the dinner for 2 meal. Very good, i suggest it. We had a quiet night. I like sending quality time with Karrina, and dont take advantage of it as much as I should. We had to cut things out of our schedule to make this work.

Well maybe i will write more scatterbrained stuff later, forgive me it is 3:40am.

Putting God in the bathroom

I was pondering the other day about the way that we treat God. When we invite people over to our house we make sure everything is clean and in order. If they are staying for an extended period of time when we make sure that they have a clean room to stay in, with fresh sheets and linens, something comfortable. The Problem is that we dont reciprocate the same courtesy to God. When we invite Him into our hearts some of us shove him into our dirty bathroom. We have all of our junk sitting around and sometimes we dont bother to pick it up. We check up on him ever so often. We dont give him privacy as let people barge in to use the bathroom. Our hearts are dirty, and sometimes we dont bother cleaning them to resemble a comfortable living space. Just a thought.